October 23 , 2016

Stuck with something that sucks? This say yes life hack will help.


Got the Sunday night/Monday morning blues?  Are you facing a week that contains stuff you really don't want to do, people you really don't want to see, or places you don't really want to go?  

How do you keep up a "Say Yes" spirit in the face of all of that?

I think this simple hack will really help. I call it "The Tolle Framework."

What's the Tolle Framework?

Author and spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle wrote a book called A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.  In it, he shares all kinds of incredibly moving ideas about ego and suffering and what it means to get out of your own way in order to be on the path that really serves you.  It's the kind of book that has changed people's life.  I read it years ago.  I really should read it again, actually.

Somewhere in the book (I honestly don't remember where) he writes about what to do when we are facing big challenges like those that you might be dreading this week.  I call these 3 choices "The Tolle Framework" and I employ it probably twice a week when I find myself in the middle of something yucky saying, "I friggin' hate this."

Disclaimer: Like, I said, I read the book years ago so this is not a direct quote.

You Don't Want to Do It?  Here Are Your Choices:

Choice 1: Stop it.

Are you in a situation that you can get of?  Do you really have to do that presentation?  What would happen if you just said no?  Remember, no is an important part of saying yes.  No can allows you to focus on what you really want.  No may be just what you need to keep yourself safe from going down a road that will be ultimately harmful for you.  

Maybe the reason you don't want to do that presentation is because it is for a potential client whom you don't actually want to work with.  He gives you the heebie jeebies.  You imagine that, if you nail this presentation, you actually will get the gig and then you will be stuck with a client who will consistently make you feel uncomfortable.  You can say no.  You can stop it right here, right now.  You don't need the gig that badly.  Saying no and getting yourself out of a situation that feels like crap to you could be the best option. 

Choice 2: Change it.

Okay, let's say you do need the gig that badly (believe me, I get it...you gotta eat).  Turning down this opportunity for a payday just doesn't make any sense.  Then, your next option is to change the situation.  Make it work better for you.  Perhaps you need to talk to this guy.  Tell him how you feel, "Hey Ron, I am excited about this presentation and the opportunity to get to work with your company.  However, before we start, I have to share something with you.  The last time we met, I felt very uncomfortable when you made that joke about your colleague in front of me.  As we move forward, I will feel comfortable if we don't talk about anyone else behind their backs.  You know, keep it all focused on work.  How does that sit with you?"

If that doesn't work or you are not able to engage with Ron for some reason, maybe you can see if there is someone else from the company who can be your contact instead, find a way to have all of your meetings be virtual, or hire a subcontractor on your end to engage with creepy Ron.  There are tons of ways to change situations around.  Brainstorm some ideas and try em out.

Choice 3: Accept it.

Here you are facing this big challenge and you have considered your first 2 choices.  You have gone through all the possible scenarios and imagined all of the consequences.  None of them sit right with you.  Your final option is to accept the situation.  And, by accept it, I don't mean the "Oh well, I guess my life is gonna suck forever" kind of acquiescence that gets us nowhere (literally).  I am talking about the kind of acceptance that comes from making a powerful choice.  You have considered all of your options.  You have made a decision.  You have decided that, for you, accepting your situation in this moment is the best possible choice for you. 

At this point, this is when you say to yourself, "I am nervous about this presentation.  I am unsure what is going to happen with Ron.  But, I am choosing to move forward anyway and see what happens."  When you are able to do this, you will be amazed by how the universe magically opens up to help you out.  Who knows what will happen?  Perhaps Ron is not the guy you thought he was.  Perhaps you don't get the gig after all but wind up getting an even better one.  

The point is that something will happen because you made a choice.  You moved from the stuck energy of complaining into the free flowing energy of yes.  You have moved from feeling like a victim of your situation to a powerful creator of your own experience.

What do you think?  Are you ready to take on the week?

44_days_of_yes_Lynn.2.pngThis is Post #17 in 44 Days of YES! - a series of posts for Girl Advocates who know that empowering girls means we must empower ourselves first.  Sign up for free inspiration, practical YES! hacks, and connection to other Girl Advocates just like you.

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And check out yesterday's post - As a black woman, yes is my superpower

44 Days of Yes